The Angry GM is a F%#king Coward

Get a load of this goofus.

Hoo boy, where to start with this prize pig?  The chicken shit way he rages and swears…without actually swearing?  Nah, low hanging fruit.  Heh, fruit.  How apropos.

Let’s start with the biggest difference between the House of Wright and the Pigsty of Angry.  He ransoms out his thoughts like a filthy whore.  Maybe he needs to grub for the money, I don’t.  My high stress (pimpin’ ain’t easy) job is very lucrative (thanks largely to Angry’s mom’s oral skills).  That means E. Reagan can bestow his wisdom upon you completely gratis.  E. Reagan does not sully himself with such mundane motivations as cash on the barrelhead.  He generously donates his time, words, and brainpower to you, dear reader, solely for the purpose of improving your tabletop play, and thus your lives, and ultimately all of Christendom.

Not when it comes to the D&D blog, anyway.  I save the money grubbing for my fiction writing.  Like Hugo Bait – a harrowing science fiction tale that’s fun for all ages and guaranteed to win a big silver rocket in 2018.

But hey, don’t take my word for it, The Angry Diarrhea Mouth freely admits he prefers Girl D&D.  (Seriously, this guy never says in 12 words what he could say in 500 words.   I thought I was verbose, but this guy takes pointless rambling to a whole new level.  His post is up to his manboobs in meaningless verbiage.  I can only assume he’s trying to justify things to his sugar daddies on Patreon:  “Look, me am write 2,000 word post. Ignore that it only 200 words of content.  Am 2,000 words!”)

Now, although my critics will deny it like insane street preachers ranting about the end of the world, I am a story gamer.

This here critic sitting in the library discreetly trying not to notice Chet watching porn on the computer next to me?  He would scream that from the rooftops if he had a roof to top.  My cardboard box in the alley won’t support my weight, so I’ll just stick with using the computers here at the local library/homeless entertainment center/free mystery meat child day care.

Of course Angry plays Girl D&D.  It’s right there in his chosen internet handle – he is all about the emotions, bruh.  RPGs are a safe space for yuh feelz.  He thinks he’s a tough, spilling a thousand about how sad he is that some don’t feel the way he feelz.  Get the man a puppy to stroke, stat!  He couldn’t hack it in a grown up game like D&D, so he retreated into the soft and plushy world of storygames like the mangina he is.

And that’s because, whether we like it or not, we live in a world without a single, provable, objective moral framework.

The devil you say?

TAGM doesn’t understand what “single” means.  He doesn’t understand what “provable” means.  He doesn’t understand what “objective” means.  He’s playing that High Atheist game of using words with dual meanings to that you cannot pin him down.  Hammer at him what he means when he says, “proof” and he’ll shuck and jive like Muhammad Ali in the ring, refusing to land on any one single meaning because doing would expose the emptiness of his argument.  He’s relying on the classic motte and bailey tactic of SJWs everywhere here.

The truth is that you cannot be a good game master without becoming a good story teller.

Spare me the heavy handed judgments here, Mister “Judge Not, You Don’t Even Know”.  he talks about one specific bastard child of tabletop games here – the modern storygames that place the word story first because games are hard and happy fun time is easy.  Anyone can be a fantastic DM without telling a single word of story.  You set up the dungeon, and let your players decide the story to drape over the game framework as icing on the all important GAME cake.

Morals aren’t physical laws. They aren’t like gravity. At least, they aren’t provably objective physical laws. But who knows? Maybe one of the major religions is right. Maybe there really is an objective set of moral laws that apply to the universe and maybe some day we will be able to prove that. I can’t say. No one can. Not with a certainty.

Yes, they are.  They arise out of natural laws as sure as gravity arises from the nature of mass.

This is where TheAngryGM stops being wrong and starts being a coward.  Why anyone would listen to a coward like this discuss morality is beyond me.  One of the major religions is right.  There is an objective set of moral laws that apply to the universe and they have been proven time and time again.  The fact that we live in an age where scientism is rampant and people’s education has left them susceptible to the whispered seductions of the, “Well, that’s just like, your opinion, man,” crowd doesn’t negate two THOUSAND years of study and scholarship.

Closing your eyes to the light doesn’t make the room dark – it just makes you blind.

[N]o good story is about the conflict between good and evil

Every good story is about the conflict between good and evil.  It is the fundamental conflict, and just because you don’t have the stones to man up and choose a side doesn’t mean those sides don’t exist.

What is important is to understand the good and evil are not forces that are in conflict.

Gray goo.  Pink slime.  Sloppy, sloppy thinking and blindness.  You can’t turn on the news without seeing the forces of good (Christendom/Trump) in conflict with the forces of evil (Islam/The rest of Washington D.C.).  You can’t have an interesting conflict unless one of the sides is good (or right) and the other bad (or wrong).  And the greater the contrast between them, the greater the stakes.  If nothing means anything in your world, then your games are utterly meaningless, pointless, and drab, gray wastes of time.

Oh, and before anyone objects to my argument, remember that under the Angry’s own rubric, I cannot be wrong.  You can’t prove I’m wrong with science.  You cannot judge things.  You can’t judge me or my argument because “subjective”.  I’m just as right and good and noble as he is.  By HIS rules.

To suggest that the only people who are wrong are people who admit that wrongness exists is the sort of post-modern meaninglessness that the schools were designed to teach students to ignore.  Hey kids!  Don’t believe in anything because nothing means anything.  The most important in the world is that you believe that nothing in the world is important.

This is not intellectual courage – it’s intellectual cowardice.

There is a big problem with the two-axis, nine alignment system in D&D. You know, lawful-good through chaotic-evil? It isn’t as severe nowadays because the discussion of alignment in the rules has been stripped down to almost nothing, but it’s still basically there.

Yeah, the problem is with dolts who refuse to acknowledge that we live in a fallen world where good and evil even exist.  The spineless weaklings like the GOP and the DNC and the non-RPG tabletop crowd (read: storygamers) have the strength of their utter lack of convictions to guide them.  The only people they are willing to fight are the people who say that there are things in this world worth fighting for and worth fighting against.

That’s childish poopytalk.

This world is filled with good and filled with evil.  There are things in this world worth fighting for, things worth believing in.  There are good guys and bad guys all around us.  There is true, objective, and recognizable Virtue.  Seven virtues, in fact. If the Angry GM could be bothered to pick up a book, he’d know that.  The world contains recognizable Vice – whole religions dedicated to it, in fact.  The Angry GM is clearly well acquainted with most of those, gluttony being the most obvious.

Here’s the real kicker, though.  You know who really doesn’t want you to think that the fight between good and evil doesn’t exist?  It’s Team Evil.  That The Angry GM refuses to accept the fight tells you everything you need to know about how effective protection from evil would work against him.  (Spoiler alert: +1 to AC and saving throws against ineffectual spittle when The AndGay GM is around.)

Don’t be The Angry GM kids.  Not even once.  Just say no.