Building a better OSR starts at home. To that end, today we’re going to talk about how you can fix your shit, and how that will lead to a better experience at the game table. It’s like the High Priest of Jordanetics says, if you want to clean up tabletop RPGs, start by cleaning up your own damn room. You just can’t put a price on that kind of advice.
When my bench press double from 20 pounds to 40 pounds (six reps, yo!), my testosterone level rose accordingly. Naturally, this cost me my job in the Kotaku clickbait mines, but my D&D campaign took off like it was on rocket fuel. Manly rocket fuel. From my man glands. My naturally boosted confidence and belligerence and the sweet heady intoxicating rush of toxic masculinity resulted in swifter rulings, more daring dungeon design, and a greater desire to cut through the gaming fat and vicera to get to the blood rich meat of combat, traps, and exploration. It turns out all that increased blood flow, like evolution, does not stop at the neck. The same effort to get your plum danglers pumping also gets your melon meat pumping in rhythm and rhyme as well. And a well-oiled cogitator lays down the Gygaxian beats like a well-oiled physique lays down the Thot-ian treats.
But enough about me and my bulging, muscular, hairless, and glistening body. Let’s talk about you and your game. Since you’re probably not the ladies’ choice, three chin-ups per set, alpha-male beast of the east that is, you’ll be wanting a more sedate and INT-based method of cranking your game levels up to into maximum overdrive. That’s where comment regular Cirsova can steer you right.
Behold the majesty of Wild Stars! Time Warmageddon! The title alone has three awesome things jammed together and braided as tight as the hairs on my merkin. You can just imagine how crazy it gets once you get passed the title. I mean, the cover for part III has a dude saving an alien chick from dinosaurs…with a twig! That’s a manly hunk of manliness that makes me question my boundless heterosexuality right there on that cover. (Click the link, you’ll see.)
Ancient spacemen from earth return to the cradle of humanity to protect it from wolfman aliens and parallel universe totalitarians. Giant space sharks. Dragons. Nazi Zombies. If you read this stuff and don’t want to sit down to throw some of it onto your table, then there’s something wrong with your soul and I just can’t even with that right now or ever.
Nothing like the usual WotC or Paizo bland pastiche of Tolkein with all the things that made Tolkein so powerful carefully excised, this thing features the kind of kitchen sink craziness that owes more to fresh eyes and a youthful take on the fantasy subgenre than it does to a hapless regurgitation of everything we’ve already seen before mixed up in the same old way. This thing has everything you need to inspire you to greater heights of daring-do and gaming-can.
Wild Stars III will put hair on your chest, and don’t worry ladies, the hair is metaphorical. Pre-orders start tomorrow. Do it!