They laughed at me when I played with this set back in 1980, but who’s laughing now that WotC has a contest for best Colorformer, huh? Sure maybe they laughed at me for being a high school junior playing with colorforms at lunch*, but old E. Reagan sits in the driver’s seat now, bitches!
Of course, back in the day nobody was dumb enough to pretend that playing with Colorforms made you a gamer. Today you can drink from an ampersand mug and call yourself a gamer, and Mearls will bend over backwards to cater to your desires first, even at the cost of alienating the fans that built the hobby from which he sucks the lifeblood like the good little multinational globohomo henchman he is.
C’est la vie. A better Oaffish-al D&D product might take attention away from a more deserving outfit like Autarch or Swords and Wizardry or DCC. That’s where the cool RPG kids hang out now, and I should know – they might have laughed at me in high school and college and grad school and my workplace and everywhere I went up until 2015, but now the tide as turned. I bathe regularly. The God Emperor ascends. The NPCs cower in fear induced rage. And old E. Reagan continues to engage in humor so edgy and rebellious The Man routinely shuts down entire websites to prevent the spread of the toxically healthy ideas that I espouse.
Leftists aren’t just the real racists (though that continues to DESTROY them as little Benny Shap-eshifter-iro constantly reassures me), they are also the real nerds. Get ready for some wedgies, dorks! Paul Joseph Watson told me that I’m cool now, that as a duly designated part of the counter-culture, all the cool kids who live to push back against The Man look up to and respect devil-may-care attitudes like mine. Did you notice? I don’t care. I don’t care a lot. PJ Watty-Wat tells me the harder you don’t care the cooler you are, and nobody doesn’t care harder than me. I have a whole blog about how little I care. Beat that, NPCs!
On a related note, it’s a shame that more people aren’t posting YouTube videos explaining the joke behind NPCs. God forbid we just enjoy a meme for once instead of falling all over ourselves to overuse it and overexplain it and try to mine it for clicks and sales and famewhoring. It would really suck to log on to YouTube and not have the first fifty videos recommended to me be NPCs For Idiots.
Seriously gang. Dial it back a notch already. You don’t see me – the coolest rebel around – jumping in front of a microphone every time Ethan Van Scribbler jumps in front of a parade do you? That’s not because that much jumping around would burn enough calories to get my BMI back into the 30s. And that’s not just because my larynx got shot off in the war. It’s because I know how to kick back and let a meme breathe and sublimate. I know how to resist jumping into the thick of a controversy and using it for my own naked cash grab.
That reminds me, buy my short story:
*They did but mostly because of the smell.