Butt Status: Still Hurt

Yeah, I’m still chapped about Shad’s ignorant bleatings about muh dernjerns and realizms.  So sue me.

Female. Orc. Paladins.

Srs bruh?

Pick one.  That’s all you get.  I’m a reasonable guy – I’ll allow for female orcs*, even if the notion of beings of raw chaos personified…oh wait, that’s pretty much females in general.  Scratch that.  Orcs are supposed to represent the antithesis of forthright masculine nobility, and females in general…hmmm.  I’m pretty bad at this.  Let’s start over.

The point is that paladins are holy warriors. Orcs are the opposite of holy. You can put an orc in paladin armor, but that doesn’t make him a paladin any more than my wearing a bra makes me a woman. That goes doubly so for the bleeders. If you dress them in faux-Christian armor and give them big Disneyfied eyes and tiny little fangs, monster girls are still nasty, ya flippin’ weebs.

As a brief aside, somebody posted a picture of one of the current members of Saturday Night Live But Put This Sick Dog Out of Its Misery Already online.  People still watch this show?  Wonders !cease.  There’s another Kanye-traversy seething in the hearts of the bitterbitches because dancing singing black man likes orange man and orange man bad.  Naturally the SNL cast took to their podium to Drumph it up, and it’s not just me, is it?  I mean…

BUT! If you want to devalue and devolve your game by making of it a paper thin simulacrum of the hearty and hale and vigorously alive gamespace that is Appendix N style D&D by just cramming elements together with no thought or understanding, like an alchemists slopping chemicals in a vat and declaring yourself a genius because nobody ever thought to mix bleach and vinegar in a small closet, go right ahead. Be my guest. But for the love of all things holy, don’t pretend like your game is somehow more erudite and a great leap forward over the simple and elegant roots of the game. You’re making D&D worse when you undercut its cultural foundations, and you look like a total jackass who can’t be bothered with the foolish consistency that, as the saying goes, is the mind’s herbgerblin.

*Female and infant kobolds made an appearance in the sacred texts (B2) after all.  Nobody, not even the great prophet (Gygax akbar!) can get them all right.


About The Alt-Right DM

At long last, a tall cool drink of alt-right water in the midst of a liberal and cuckservative desert. Inspired by the need for soldiers in the Culture War, E. Reagan Wright volunteered to stand up to the forces of progressivism before they complete their takeover of the once energetic, diverse and just plain fun hobby of role-playing games. A lone voice in the digital wilderness preaching to that quiet, right-wing remnant that has languished in the cold for years. E. Reagan Wright loves his Mom, guns, apple pie, football, and calling that lesser game by its rightful name - soccer.
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4 Responses to Butt Status: Still Hurt

  1. The Mixed GM says:

    But they female kobolds and babies are for killing, so that your characters can bathe in their blood.


    Liked by 3 people

  2. taarkoth says:

    Baby greenskins are there to trick the entryists in your party into revealing themselves, so you can kill them too before they have a chance to converge the group.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So dumb idea, isn’t the notion of an intact virginal female Orc NOT at home raising the kids in the clan to be rambunctious raiders and barbaric tillers of soil, tell you that something is absolutely right off with the country’s or county’s local clergy in that world? I mean what next that the divinity and it’s pope is a succubus disguised as a human man (pulp rev and any dm’s there’s a quest that’s based in reality and one you could steal as a campaign)?

    Or it would be revealed that the paladin orcs are really just MK ultra experiments wherein one church brainwashes local monster girls to serve as false ambassadors to other clerical societies only to turn them ala the Manchurian candidate to murder and raid said priesthood, so the other Cathedral takes over the ruined Clerical societies and throws said armed double agents back out into the country side to promote their church for a protection racket.

    You know or just go with the character being a princess that got cursed or something, because I think a gave more thought about this than the folks coming to tabletop after playing too much effing World of Warcraft.

    Liked by 1 person

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