What If D&D Was Boring?

Have you ever asked yourself that? Well, great news, you walking soporific, you don’t just have to play fifth edition to find the answer to this question, because now D5D has an official comic book!
boring2

Oh, you hard bitten skeptic, you don’t think it could possibly be that bad, do you? Feast on the soul-poison and despair!

boring

Remember when Gygax made that joke about “Papers and Paychecks” way back in 1979? Wasn’t that hilarious?

I’m not even going to provide the link. It’s just another stale-ass relationship webcomic dressed up in D&D garb and slapped with a Dark Horse logo and felated by a fawning press to make it seem legit. From what I hear at the D5D tables down to the local friendly nerdery, it’s a pretty good approximation of the latest version of D&D. Most of what I see these days are people LARPing as tabletop RPG gamers – it’s like the Inception-pocalypse out there, people. Pray for me as I seek to convert the heathens to Big Boy D&D where the most important relationship is your character’s sword being introduced to an orc’s lower intestine and introducing said lower intestines to the floor.

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About The Alt-Right DM

At long last, a tall cool drink of alt-right water in the midst of a liberal and cuckservative desert. Inspired by the need for soldiers in the Culture War, E. Reagan Wright volunteered to stand up to the forces of progressivism before they complete their takeover of the once energetic, diverse and just plain fun hobby of role-playing games. A lone voice in the digital wilderness preaching to that quiet, right-wing remnant that has languished in the cold for years. E. Reagan Wright loves his Mom, guns, apple pie, football, and calling that lesser game by its rightful name - soccer.
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4 Responses to What If D&D Was Boring?

  1. Ing says:

    Good lord, that stupid headline… Reality is a crutch for losers who don’t have a firm grip on fantasy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The Mixed GM says:

    If you want to convert the heathens, have them watch how a Big Boy D&D player handles character death.

    Have them watch the rest of the party argue and squabble over the belongings of the deceased.

    Have them watch the player grab a sheet of paper and 3d6. (rolling down the line of course)

    Have them watch a new character come into being in less than an hour. (No officially licensed computer program required!)

    Have them watch the game continue with minimal or no interruption. The death of a character is not the death of the game. Just a minor inconvenience.

    When the heathens realize that Big Boy D&D has consequences, they will either convert on the spot or flee in terror, never to be seen again.

    Liked by 2 people

    • The Alt-Right DM says:

      That’s how you winnow the heathens. The weak will quail at what you’ve described and retreat to their safe YouTube and Tumblr and Twitter havens. Ah, but the strong shall be tempered by the heat of the One, Holy, Sacred, and Apostolic Church of the B/X, forged by the fires of the Five True Saving Throws, they shall become the true inheritors of the Gospel According to Moldvay. The rest can go to the hell of Pathfinder.

      Liked by 2 people

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