Introducing Your Kids to D&D

Some Basic Becky faux-nerd got it into his head to help you introduce your children to the wonderful and magickal world of D&D.  As is the case with the middling-intellects who write clever-clever lifehacker articles, it’s chock a block full of bad advice, the worst of which is contained right there in the title, How to Introduce Your Kid to Dungeons & Dragons.

Let me provide you with some better advice…

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Don’t

You don’t want your kid to end up growing a thin beard to hide his lack of chin.  Steer him into something that will build his confidence and help him score with chicks worth scoring with – like water-skiing.  Chicks dig water-skiing.

 

You don’t want your kid exposed to the sorts of middling intellects that mistake being wide read and cunning for being well rounded and wise.  People are the average of the five people they spend the most time with, and do you really want your kid to be the average of the five people sitting across a screen from you?  Really?

You don’t want your kid wasting his life in the pursuit of a skillset that can only be turned toward producing more of the same.  The D&D market has become like Etsy.com – a bunch of desperate wannabes trying to make it rich by selling each other over-priced and gaudy doo-dads.  That’s no life for a kid.

You’re the kind of odd-job autist who spends his time reading satirical D&D blogs.  Be honest with yourself – you don’t really want your kid to grow up reading blogs like this when he could be out in the world having real adventures instead of pretending to have them around a table.  Save him from the mistakes you made at that age, and push him toward something useful and interesting.  Get him a cooking class – chicks like a man who can cook, more and more every year, if the average pant size I see on the street is any indication.  Maybe sign him up for one of those Spartan races the kids love these days.

It’s too late for us, but it’s not too late for them.

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About The Alt-Right DM

At long last, a tall cool drink of alt-right water in the midst of a liberal and cuckservative desert. Inspired by the need for soldiers in the Culture War, E. Reagan Wright volunteered to stand up to the forces of progressivism before they complete their takeover of the once energetic, diverse and just plain fun hobby of role-playing games. A lone voice in the digital wilderness preaching to that quiet, right-wing remnant that has languished in the cold for years. E. Reagan Wright loves his Mom, guns, apple pie, football, and calling that lesser game by its rightful name - soccer.
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