And not in a good way.
Full time shit stirrer and part time writer Jon of the Rice, a left-wing activist, has launched a competitor for the Hugo Awards, and straight out of the gate he dropped the chalupa. Last month he posted this list of nominees for the inaugural Ribbit Awards, and lord ha’ mercy, I haven’t seen that many stinkers since Uncle Sam put me in charge of the base latrines as punishment for a little Shore Leave escapade back when I pretended to serve in the military.
He had the good grace to include a grand total of three categories for which your arrogant host was a natural fit – Short Work, Related Work, nOOb, Shitposter, and Lifetime Achievement – and gave me bagels across the board. It would be understandable if he had Best Counting as a category and left me off, but Related Work? Did you read my memoirs of how normal people react to DMs that get angry when players enjoy their own game instead of the DM’s sad narrative? It’s right here if you haven’t, and you should have, because it’s hilarious. A lot funnier than The Hitchhikers Guide without all the twee smarm…of course, that’s true of Schindler’s List, too.
The point is, these awards are like my high school football team – giant circle jerks that don’t invite the kicker just because of one or two dropped snaps in the endzone. Pointless and I’m not bitter at all, but seriously, you should ignore these popularity because they are all run by mean old poopy heads. And I only say THAT because they probably spend an hour a day huffing their own farts like the booger-faced dum-dums they are. So there.
Unless I win a Hugo this year, then SFWA is okay in my book.
Not that I’ll get any help from the frogs there, either. He white knighted and nommed a vagina for best Short Fiction for a Hugo. Outrageous! And he nominated the well connected and beloved everywhere funnybook artist Ethan Van Scribbler for best artist despite my glorious meme magic. (Memes are art, right? They are in my book!) Where’s my fainting couch!
Anyway, you know the best stories are those written specifically for the big silver rocket and not to actually entertain people. I signaled my virtue like a mofo in Hugo Bait and I was completely transgender when I wrote it*. That’s like two checkboxes in one. I’m a shoe in for a Hugo, and frankly, if Jon isn’t smart enough to recognize that and get with the winning team, then he deserves all of the hate he gets from the mentally ill poo-eaters over at File 770.
Vote Hugo Bait. Vote today, yo.
*I got better.