My Players So Smart

My players are really getting the hang of this “Real D&D” thing.  It took some time to break them of their soft and womanly style of play, but now they are running like a well-oiled murder machine.  They hit The Tomb and where last time through, they did a run and gun, this time they took a little more time.  Did some more searching.  Started opening things best left unopened.

The first two sarcophagi were empty.  The third held a wight.  Two henchmen went down, unwillingly sacrificing themselves so the party could get back to town and re-arm themselves.  They discussed leaving the place alone and hitting the gobbos, but that wight had some sweet gleaming gold wrapped around its forehead, and these guys know that you want to level up, you have to follow the money.

So they pooled their cash and bought out the town’s stock of oil.  They hired two more torchbearers (at a premium given the fate of their last henchmen).  They bought an extra long crowbar.  Only then did they return to the tomb, expecting to find the wights roaming, but he’s off on the wandering monster table now.  Which left them free to carefully pry open each sarcophagi, with two encumbered fighters sitting on the lid for good measure.  Just a few inches to check the contents, and every time a white wight hand shot out – they stopped, and let it flail while they poured in the oil, lit up the place, and waited a bit.  They pushed the lid back in place to snuff out the flames, and bingo bango bongo, wight bacon, extra crispy.  The gold was melty, but the crowbar served as a nice spatula for it once a little water cooled the ingots down.


Wight supremacists.  Get it?  Hey, they can’t all be winners.

The antique priceless artifacts were worth a tenth as raw gold as they would have been intact, but it was worth it for a first level crew to wipe out a dozen wights without a scratch and still walk away with loaded with that sweet XP-injecting boullion.

And then they got greedy.  They went back for the goblins thinking a quick hit and run would push them over the edge and into that second level status.  Instead, they wandered into the three wandering wights in the earthen halls, and just like that they turned three level draining monster into three level draining monsters.  They got lucky and killed two of them, but not before two more characters got drained to zero.

The good news is that one of the dead wights was packing one of the gold headbands, and the thief snatched that up instead of backstabbing the last standing wight.  They retreated at that point (read: ran screaming like little girls) and when they cashed me outside, they wound up with just as much loot from one wight as they got from a dozen of his melted friends.  Second level should help them survive if they meet the three second generation wights.  Or maybe they’ll get lucky and the gobbos will deal with the wights on the loose.  Or maybe they’ll get unlucky and find the whole dungeon overrun with wight goblins!  I guess that depends on what kind of week I have this week.


About The Alt-Right DM

At long last, a tall cool drink of alt-right water in the midst of a liberal and cuckservative desert. Inspired by the need for soldiers in the Culture War, E. Reagan Wright volunteered to stand up to the forces of progressivism before they complete their takeover of the once energetic, diverse and just plain fun hobby of role-playing games. A lone voice in the digital wilderness preaching to that quiet, right-wing remnant that has languished in the cold for years. E. Reagan Wright loves his Mom, guns, apple pie, football, and calling that lesser game by its rightful name - soccer.
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