Hey everyone, this isn’t E. Reagan. It’s his…well, look, we’re not really into labels. I mean, it’s complicated, you know? We’re just kind of having fun and seeing where this thing is headed right now. You know how it is with these Tinder relationships.
Sorry, that’s not really important right now.
E. Reagan is in the hospital. I’m not sure what happened. I just kinda found him lying in front of his computer in a pool of his own urine and saliva with a vacant look in his eyes. The paramedics came and got him to the hospital, but the doctor’s aren’t sure what happened either. They did a whole bunch of sciencey tests, and they said it isn’t like a stroke or anything like that – he’s just catatonic. He keeps twitching and blurting out, “not Dee Ann Dee”.
I don’t know who that bitch is, but when I find her, I’m going to kill her.
She’s probably super fat.
Anyway, when I got home from the hospital, my boyfriend helped me feel a little better. Then my boyfriend’s son showed me that E. Reagan was still logged into this account, so I figured if E. Reagan had any friends then they might read this, and I’m not really religious but I’m totally deep and spiritual, so I know people do this sometimes.
Can you keep E. Reagan in your prayers? Me and my boyfriend are super worried about him. He’s kind of the glue that holds this household together. Mostly because of all the overtime he works so that I can spend more time with my boyfriend, but also because of his quiet support of my eating, praying, and loving lifestyle.
So anyway, thanks. I’m sure E. Reagan will be fine before me and my boyfriend get back from St. Kitts, but pray for him anyway, okay?