Finally, A Decent RPG Podcast

RPG podcasts are almost uniformly terrible.  Save or Die wasn’t bad when it was Mike, Liz and the old guy doing it.  It was slow, but informative and cerebral.  They even had the good sense to answer my own submitted question on their way out the door, even if it’s bad form to finally explain what TACO means at the precise moment that knowing that will do me no good ever again.  And even if somebody needed to slap the ‘laughing at her own jokes’ out of Liz tootle-dee-flipping-sweet.  The Expert Edition guys have the experience, but holy Cheeto Stained Fingers of Saint Flinders do they have the personalities of belly button lint.  Two of the three regulars have voices that straight out of Nerd Central Casting.  They sound like that smug, smarmy, sarcastic bazinga guy from the show with the blonde with the big bazongas.  People tell me they think the characters on Four Nerds and Blonde Beard are caricatures, then I show them an episode of Save or Die, and they never speak to me again.  (Still sorry, Mom.)


Physiognomy is real!  GUH!

Dude sounds downright chapped that he has to stand here casting his elf game pearls before us muggle swine.  He knows his stuff, has some solid, SOLID advice, but that voice!  It’s like being lectured to by an SJW schoolmarm who can’t even OMGdess.

And don’t get me started on the audio abortion that is The Adventure Zone.  What that family did to D&D is criminal.  It’s one thing to misunderstand something, but the way they slit its belly, raped the wound while it cried in pain, and then recorded their moans of demented pleasure as they ejaculated into the victim’s abdominal cavity is a horror unmatched since The Watch release party in a few months.

But hey, if you’ve never managed to grit your teeth hard enough to sit through Daddy Warpig’s bombastic introduction to Geek Gab – welcome to the club – then there may be a show for you.  Sleepy voiced Dorrinal takes the helm of a new branch of the franchise, and it’s motorvating like you wouldn’t even believe.  That Jeffor guy knows how to inspire a man to cut loose and try something new for a change, and I’m not just saying that because he gave a positive review to my epic short story, A Prolapsing Empire, currently ranked #2,650 in Romance > Space Opera!

Your ‘umble host never played none of that sci-fi gaming, missing the point until WEG Star Wars revived the moribund Star Wars franchise and kept it’s torch alive long enough for J. J. Abrams to do for Star Wars what that hill-billy did to Ned Beatty in Deliverance.  But Sweet d20 of Polenti does Jeffor make me want to grab some Traveller, kill some characters, and jet off to a sector of unknown space with some Hard Buds of Sci Fi.  And that’s really saying something, because I don’t lead a rich fantasy life in person – I do the same thing at the table.

Jeffor’s like, “Stop overthinking things, your campaign starter is three sentences and go!”

And I’m all like, “Hell yeah, that turbo-charges my imagination so much I can’t help but talk like a teenage girl.”

Then people are like, “My advice is to spend enough time crafting a whole cast and world and timeline that would make JRR Tolkein weep at my autistic need for detail first.  That’s what always works to start my campaigns that fall apart after six sessions, now tell me about the rabbits, George.”

And then I’m all, “It’s a good thing I only lurk on G+, because your idiocy made me so mad the only way I can get through the day is hopped up on horse tranquilizers and after a good cry into the lap of my life-size anime pillow girlfriend.”

Just kidding.  Don’t do drugs, kids.

Or anime.

But if you have to choose – pick the drugs.

Scott Adams hypnotized me into thinking this is where I need to plug a product, and Mike Cernovich might lisp his syphilitic spittle all over me if I don’t hear and obey, so go buy Hugo Bait right now.


About The Alt-Right DM

At long last, a tall cool drink of alt-right water in the midst of a liberal and cuckservative desert. Inspired by the need for soldiers in the Culture War, E. Reagan Wright volunteered to stand up to the forces of progressivism before they complete their takeover of the once energetic, diverse and just plain fun hobby of role-playing games. A lone voice in the digital wilderness preaching to that quiet, right-wing remnant that has languished in the cold for years. E. Reagan Wright loves his Mom, guns, apple pie, football, and calling that lesser game by its rightful name - soccer.
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