Roll To Decide How Big A Tool You Are

Critical success!
untitledThe old Alt-Right DM* keeps banging on the #TrustYourDice drum.  Far too many people out there complain that the dice won’t behave and give them the story that they want.  So why, dear reader, does your third-person-referencing host turn right around and kvetch when people look to the dice to answer every little question that arises at the table?

Even assuming that humble-brags like those that inspired the image to the left are jokes, you can’t swing a dead #dnd-cat around the Twitter-hood without some numbnuts tweeting about their roll to find out whether or not they managed to fall off the log.  The dopey rainbow haired lard-o’s out there boil every dumb little decision down to a die roll.  And then brag about how wacky the results were – it’s like a shortcut to creativity.  You know, kind of like Volo’s Guide.  (Do I detect a trend here?**)

This isn’t hard.  You’ve got a DM for a reason.  Let him do his job for a change, bub.  He’s got a lot more information at his fingertips than you do, and if you don’t like his decision then maybe sit back and wait a while.  He probably has a good reason for his decision.  If it later turns out that he’s a total expletive-verber, you can always bail on the game and find a new DM.

Why would you think he’d make decisions just to spite you, anyway?

Oh…yeah.  SJWs always project.  You never see shitlords bitching about the DM’s decision.  The SJWs can’t abide handing power over the screen because they know if they were there, that they’d abuse it.  Which means they assume the guy there now will abuse it if they give it to him.  Which means…that every new rule set that’s come out since 1980 has moved in a direction stripping the DM’s ability to make the game more interesting by stripping him of the ability to make judgement calls. WHICH MEANS that the game is worse off for everyone.

Really, people, this is a game that requires you interact with other humans.  If you have problems doing that like a normal person, maybe this isn’t the hobby for you.

Which isn’t to say that the dice can’t help when the DM doesn’t know or just doesn’t care. Hey, you’re reading words written by a guy who still uses Saint Moldvay’s Reaction Table, after all.  But let’s just leave that sort of thing as a spice to add flavor to the game instead of a default assumption, mkay?  Trust my beefy munificence, it’ll make your games so very much more tasty.

* Reminder for the newest members of the alt-right penis gallery – the blog name is just a hold over from a couple years back before the alt-right was a thing.

** Yes.  Yes I do.

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About The Alt-Right DM

At long last, a tall cool drink of alt-right water in the midst of a liberal and cuckservative desert. Inspired by the need for soldiers in the Culture War, E. Reagan Wright volunteered to stand up to the forces of progressivism before they complete their takeover of the once energetic, diverse and just plain fun hobby of role-playing games. A lone voice in the digital wilderness preaching to that quiet, right-wing remnant that has languished in the cold for years. E. Reagan Wright loves his Mom, guns, apple pie, football, and calling that lesser game by its rightful name - soccer.
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One Response to Roll To Decide How Big A Tool You Are

  1. The Mixed GM says:

    Roll to knock down a door? Sure! Roll to knock up a whore? No!

    Like

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