“Gird” means “secure”. As opposed to what you perverts normally do with them.
Now that we’ve survived eight years of the Dark Lord’s reign, gloated our way through the Literal Shakening, and spent some time reminding the cucks who bitch America is, it’s time for the shitlord gamers to get back to brass tacks. The fight for control of the Oval Office may be over, but the fight for the legacy of E. Gary Gygax (blessed be his name) is about to ramp up.
Remember your Rule Three: SJWs always project. Their quaking fear of a Stalinesque purge in the wake of the election is a product of their fevered imaginations, sure, but it’s also a sign of what they would do had the names on the script been reversed. We also know that they favor fighting in arenas where they can appeal to authority when the twin shining lights of truth and reason expose their preening smugness for the house built on sand that it is.
They think they own tabletop gaming, and to a certain extent, they are right. Their screeching threats and tearful whining has earned them the ears of some of the biggest names in this little fishpond, and a whole slew of nobodies. They graciously provided us with a handy list of them all.
They also have the time and the perseverance to implement, “Republicans are Icky” codes of conduct at the major conventions, and to staff the ever-so-objective members of the Thought Police at each convention with their fellow Abigail Williamses (Google it).
Put that all together in a soup pot of crybullying control and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. All gaming could go the way of Hollywood, comics, and lumberjacks. Seriously, they made lumberjacks gay – you don’t think they can do the same to the humble d20?
The good news is that we have the high ground and aren’t afraid to go low. We can drive them from the field of battle using the very weapons that they wish worked against us – mockery and weight of numbers. We’re tabletop gamers, for crying out loud, we’ve been looked down on for our hobby for years. Everyone from jocks to video gamers thinks tabletop is a little strange and that they can point it out repeatedly*. We’ve also been forged in the fires of a decade of mockery at the hands of the terminally unfunny John Stewart and Steve “Kept Catholic” Clobert. And those two mugging clowns with a room full of writers are the Best they can do! The average mincing tabletop gamer can’t even clear that low bar. Seriously, ever listen to an actual play podcast of D&D? They make Amy Schumer look hilarious, and that’s REALLY saying something.
So don’t slack off, fellow shitlords. That rumbling sound you hear in the distance is the slow pounding of hamhocks trundling away from the Lich Queen’s failed attempt to steal the Cherry Blossom Throne form the Men of the West. They are heading for the once peaceful hamlet of tabletop gaming with malice in their cholesterol clogged hearts and vengeance in their piggy little eyes. Keep the pressure up on them, they weary easily. Soon enough they’ll run out of pharmacological crutches for their broken brains, and curl up, fetal-like at our feet.
Seek them out on Twitter – it’s REALLY easy to find them, as their wear their identities on their sleeves. If they want politics in their D&D banter, give it to them good. Give it to them hard, thick, and balls deep.
Come back with your Pepe or on it.
*Not to me, of course, I’m a magnificent beast of a man, what with my flowing locks of hair and svelte waistline. With these steely eyes, massive tattoos, and biker jacket, they don’t dare mess with the Alt-Right DM lest I get a little curb-stompy. I just see it in the media and on the mean streets all the time.