Settle Down, Sally

Fields, that is.  The title of this blog post a Sally Fields reference.  You’ll see why in a second.

The D&D Twitter crowd has been fluttering about in a tizzy because the normies finally accepted Dungeons and Dragons.  The National Museum of Play accepted the Great Game into the Toy Hall of Fame along with such stalwarts as the swing and Fisher Price Little People:


If you include dwarves, this year’s inductees include two different kinds of little people, forcing me to speculate on the demographic make-up of the committee.  My guess is that it looks more like a former Ewok actor convention than an NBA team.

The twitterpated crowd is suffering from the same misguided delusions that tabletop roleplayers have always experienced.  They think that D&D can finally ‘go mainstream’ if only X happens.  Movie stars play it!  This one museum likes it!  It’s on that Netflix monster show with the crazy old lady version of Winona Ryder!

(Brief aside:  To the people at Netflix : You know…we were one tanked network sitcom away from an ‘accidental’ realease of Winona Ryder’s nude photos.  One.  Now that her career has been revived, we can kiss that dream good-bye.  Granted, it’s post-wall but still kind of milfy – Winona Ryder, but this late Baby Boomer watched that little girl from Beelejuice grow up on camera waiting for that moment, and now it’s gone.  The alt-right didn’t even care that she was born Winona Horowitz – you were bringing America together for once, and you ruined it!  You should be ashamed of yourselves.)

One museum acknowledged the debt the world owes to Gygax and Arneson.  Whoop-de-fricking’-do!

Look, I get it.  I really do.  High school was rough.  If it wasn’t for your cats and the five minutes of attention they give you while you operate the can-opener, you wouldn’t get any love at all.  You crave validation and acceptance because the emotional wreckage resulting from all that time spent in lockers has given you the relationship skills of Smeagol.  We’ve all been there.

(I haven’t, actually.  I’m just saying that to establish a rapport with you – that’s one of those relationship skills that normal people develop.  When you don’t break human interaction down into skill checks or Charisma rolls, you learn these things.)

The problem here is that a feeling of acceptance and contentedness aren’t something that gets shoved into your body cavities by outside forces.  These are things that develop inside of yourself.  You have nurture them by giving yourself reasons to believe them.  You develop skills and reasons to be happy in your own skin.  You convince yourself that you’re a pretty awesome dude or dude-magnet, and stop concerning yourself with

Then you stop concerning yourself with the opinions of other people.  Embrace yourself and you won’t be so dependent on others.  That’s called character growth – it’s like XP, but you can do something with it in the real world.  That’s a great feeling.

But getting a shiver up your leg because Salon ran an article about D&D?  Thinking D&D has finally ‘arrived’?  Let me be the one to burst your bubble.  I’m a very good bubble burster, one of the best, I can tell you that.

The captain of the cheerleader squad still won’t go out with the best DM in the school.  Unless he also happens to be the star linebacker on the team.  Trust me on this one – chicks are far more impressed when you level fullbacks from the ghetto schools than when you lure the PCs down a long trapped hallway only to find the door at the end is just painted on the solid stone wall.

You’re not going to see photos in the New York gossip magazines featuring well dressed hipsters skipping the club scene to roll d20s.

You’re not going to see copies of D&D cracked open on the subway on the regular.

The major publishers like Wizards of the Coast (gay), White Wolf (super gay), and Pathfinder (Stephen Colbert levels of faggotry), aren’t going to see their stock prices quintuple.

It’s still going to be that strange little hobby that most of the world just doesn’t understand.

And that’s okay!

You really don’t want tabletop RPGs to go full retard corporate.  You don’t want them catering to the masses.  They’ll take this wonderful little niche hobby and turn it into the same kind of pumped out drivel that you get from the big publishing houses.  They’ll take Robert E. Howard and turn him into John Scalzi.  Disgusting!


Pictured above: Not happening

Besides…we already won.  They now look to us for material.  They may not want to admit it, but the normies are out of ideas.  They got nothing.  The most popular show on TV right now – Game of Rape Thrones?  A D&D guy.  Stranger Nerds?  D&D guys.

It’s our world now, and they want in.  Stop asking them if you can play in theirs.  They need us more than we need them.



About The Alt-Right DM

At long last, a tall cool drink of alt-right water in the midst of a liberal and cuckservative desert. Inspired by the need for soldiers in the Culture War, E. Reagan Wright volunteered to stand up to the forces of progressivism before they complete their takeover of the once energetic, diverse and just plain fun hobby of role-playing games. A lone voice in the digital wilderness preaching to that quiet, right-wing remnant that has languished in the cold for years. E. Reagan Wright loves his Mom, guns, apple pie, football, and calling that lesser game by its rightful name - soccer.
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2 Responses to Settle Down, Sally

  1. The Mixed GM says:

    The only validation you need is from your fellow players when they say “That was fun”, not from some big media company.


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