Parody is Fun!

Everybody’s favorite perennial complainer once made a funny little Bingo card showing 25 separate and distinct traits of male protagonists.  She doesn’t understand that universal archetypes are that way for a reason.  These are the signs of men who are risk takers, men who are willing to make sacrifices for things they believe in, and men who stand outside the norm. That’s the whole point of escapist hobbies.  Exaggerated signs of strength, dedication, sacrifice, and other universal virtues are used for a reason – they save time and are almost universally appealing to the target audience.

It stands to reason that if she understood these fundamental truths about the human condition, she wouldn’t be a feminist.


Of course, part of the joke here is that this card is supposed to show how predictable male protagonists are.  You know what else is predictable?  A woman being bad at math.  This card shows that there are more than 1.55×10^25 different combinations of the listed traits.  That’s a lot of variety, toots.

Just for giggles, here’s what a card for modern female protagonists would look like:


Note that I said “Modern”.  There was a time when women could be proud to be feminine, but the feminists calling the shots these days are a bunch of self-hating monsters dedicated to the destruction of femininity everywhere but in the heads of the men in their lives (the poor bastards).  The heroic women of days gone by could be almost anything, mothers, scientists, explorers, librarians, pilots space princesses, sandwich makers, you name it!  Today it’s all angsty badasses who neither need nor understand men.  Bleeeurgh.

Who wants to read a book from the point of view of somebody like that?  Who wants to live in the skin of somebody like that, even for a little while?

No thank you.  I’ll take my strong, grim, and emotionally distant hero standing in the gap to save civilization from the ravening hordes any day.  If I can’t be that man in real life*, then I want to be him in fake life.

* Ha ha.  Just kidding.  We all know that’s exactly who I am in real life, if you count the internet as part of real life.  That’s where I stand in the gap beating back the hysterical hordes while dual-wielding my twin scimitars named Mockery and Truth.  Sh-shaw!


About The Alt-Right DM

At long last, a tall cool drink of alt-right water in the midst of a liberal and cuckservative desert. Inspired by the need for soldiers in the Culture War, E. Reagan Wright volunteered to stand up to the forces of progressivism before they complete their takeover of the once energetic, diverse and just plain fun hobby of role-playing games. A lone voice in the digital wilderness preaching to that quiet, right-wing remnant that has languished in the cold for years. E. Reagan Wright loves his Mom, guns, apple pie, football, and calling that lesser game by its rightful name - soccer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Parody is Fun!

  1. The Mixed GM says:

    Someone should make the “Male Protagonist Bingo” into a dart board. Throw three darts at it and BOOM! instant protagonist for a story or character concept for your next tabletop RPG. I guarantee that every character made from it will be fantastic!


Comments are closed.