Lighten Up, Veruca

It’s coming.  DriveThruRPG is just taking longer than normal to process Shitlord: The Triggering, because they want to bask in the warm glow of its majesty, unsullied by the gape mouthed approval of the masses.

coming-soon

Meanwhile, here’s an excerpt to whet your whistle and help keep your grubby little mitts off my nut busters:

What is a role-playing game?

Seriously? You downloaded a role-playing game without knowing what it is?  Those Nigerian princes must love you.  Tell you what, do us all a favor, delete this file, and go play a game that’s more your speed.  Probably something involving chutes, ladders, underfed hippos, or real estate transactions.

Yeah, but what’s the deal with this one?

It’s an OSR retro-clone.  That gets into the master’s level understanding RPGs, so let’s cover what that means real quick like.  The bare bones rules of this game are based on the grand master, original, big daddy role-playing game of them all.  We both know what it’s called, but the broke-ass authors of this game can’t risk involving any lawyers, so let’s just call it or D-and-or-D, or Dandy for short.  If you know how to play any version of Dandy, you pretty much already know how to play this one.

As you’ll see in the brief rewrite of the rules, Shitlord: The Triggering, is pretty much like every other Dandy clone out there.  It’s got six stats, you roll a d20* (if you don’t know what that means, see “What is a role-playing game”, above,) to see if you hit, roll some damage, collect the loot, and level up your dude for kewl new powerz.  As with every other game you play, they provide a framework that you’re going to half-use, half-ignore, half bullshit your way through, but they at least give you something to start with.  You’re going to want to stick to the six stats, armor, hit points, and basic combat framework, but your players are Shitlords who ignore the rules they’re supposed to live by in the real world, don’t expect them to do any different in the fantasy world.   Just make sure everybody has a basic understanding of what to expect, and don’t be a total dick about when you change things or your player’s are going to bail on you and you’ll be back to masturbating alone to anime for the rest of the night.

At least we hope you’re alone when you do that.

 Never let it be said thatThe Alt Right DM is ungenerous.  Here’s another little taste of the good stuff:

Bullshit

The beating heart of this game is bullshit.  It’s the raw essence of life and matter.  Life creates it, makes it grow.  Bullshit surrounds us and binds us.  Luminous beings are our characters, not this crude matter.  You must feel the Bullshit around you.  Characters that can feel and produce Bullshit by way of force of their intellect and will can work miracles, magic, sorcery, and perhaps even make gender studies majors look attractive.

Bullshitters are those who can tap into the flow of energy and power and bend it to their will.  Using arcane formulae built on the complex laws of what the unlearned call magic, the Bullshiter can perform feats of astonishing power.  Researching, cribbing, and stealing the formulae, gestures, and words of power, they spend years of study to understand the seccrets of the universe.  Some Bullshitters, rather than spend years of study and research, take a shorter and more difficult path to power.  They seek to learn from those who have gone before, and risk death at the hands of monsters by plumbing dank and dangerous places, wet and smelly holes which more cautious men avoid.  Or they prize the secrets from powerful women by again, plumbing dank and dangerous places, wet and smelly holes which more cautious men avoid.  This game is primarily concerned with the former method, but the latter may occur from time to time.  Bullshitters who take the latter path should keep an Acolyte of Harambe handy for regular applications of cure disease, if you know what I’m saying.  STDs.  I’m talking about STDs.

Once a Bullshitter gets his dainty and callous free hands on a written source of power, one of the ancient texts or scrolls revealing the secrets of the universe, he (or she (is this joke old yet?)) must use a spell (Read Magic) just to read the unfamiliar magical incantation. To an untrained eye, the information in a spellbook is utter nonsense, the letters almost seem to move at the corner of the eye and the words are disturbing to the mind, the visual counterpart to fingernails dragging across a slate.  It’s a lot like reading an article at Salon.com.

 If you like that, there’s another hundred pages just like it winding its way through the bureaucratic shuffle.  Once it erupts, bloody and dancing with straw hat and cane from the belly of DriveThruRPG, singing an Al Jolson tune all over your face, your life will never be the same.  That’s right, kids!  All this and so much more just like it can be yours for the low, low price of Pay What You Want.  Just know that whatever you wind up paying for this will only encourage me to write more stuff, so think long and hard before running off to Daddy Salt for a huge cash infusion into the trust fund that keeps you writing RPGs for…”a living” (wink).

The fate of the world depends on you!

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About The Alt-Right DM

At long last, a tall cool drink of alt-right water in the midst of a liberal and cuckservative desert. Inspired by the need for soldiers in the Culture War, E. Reagan Wright volunteered to stand up to the forces of progressivism before they complete their takeover of the once energetic, diverse and just plain fun hobby of role-playing games. A lone voice in the digital wilderness preaching to that quiet, right-wing remnant that has languished in the cold for years. E. Reagan Wright loves his Mom, guns, apple pie, football, and calling that lesser game by its rightful name - soccer.
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